cue

taking a cue from the past
cue balls and blue moons on tuesday
wondering who would be home
and if she would be dead when i went back
last i heard she was
tatted on the face and hair in dreds
i watched it shake him at the core
watched him shake it off three times
she rolled up dirty towels and opened the gas valves
i held her once when she cried
cataracts eyes and HEP C
couldn't put her down, afraid she'd turn to dust
further back and i remember coffee
and piss and sleeping half on couches
keeping secrets and finding
new dark places to explore
three on the bridge
braiding our bloody entrails together
until we were sisters
i still have the stupid green shirt
and the damien marley mix
that pissed everybody off.
and what about the time we danced
until we forgot that we weren't drunk?
i'm taking a cue from yesterdays
and remembering when grace
found me in the shower
no miracles
just stuttering through
shitty fears, curled up like a baby
rocking back and forth
wishing i wasn't afraid of alive
the time dad came to see me
and we talked in the park
about love, and life,
and he asked me to tell him where he'd failed
we both bit our lips and cried a little.
never been good with that sort of stuff.
so i'm taking a cue from the past
remembering all the secret places i've found
and the guilt i felt on easter morning.
i've learned a lot since then.
am ready to explore again,
still remembering when grace
found me in the shower.
no miracles
just hope. and maybe
i'm not so afraid of alive.