On the Hudson

wrapped me up in brown black eyes,
we let the sun warm us.
gazed until I looked away
and lifted gold strands away from my cheeks.
traced my brow, jaw, ear with fingertips
and asked if I knew how beautiful I was.
I suppose I didn't because I don't recall
ever looking at myself that way.
we were by the water and the sun
left its silver white trail
on the waves.
we were by the water and we talked
about where we were going this summer.
me to europe,
him to senegal and zimbabwe.
both alone.
we were by the water and I said that
I would always need to find water to sit by.
dinner was oxtail, rice and beans,
and dessert was strawberries and blackberries
from the farmer's market.
there are a million faces in this city.
every one has their story and today I was young.
innocent in ways he hadn't been in years and
aware of things he might never be.
we didn't need to talk about forever
or tomorrow.
it's summer time and I've given up on love.
I don't want cheap substitutes,
but that doesn't mean
I'm turning down dinner by the river either.
I let myself be wrapped up
in brown, got lost in black
berry stained fingers.
we let the sun warm us.

I want my scars to be kissed first.

Don't forget it baby. Ink is for life.

San Diego

I think this evening calls for
out.

3 days.

Words are my ice cream cone rewards;
they are my congratulatory kisses,
my "go to your room" punishments,
and my everyday passings.
Words are my happy
and my sad;
my pleasure, pain, and questions.
Sometimes I spoon feed my words to others.
Mostly I eat them myself.
Yes, I'll have seconds.
Thanks.
I'm welcome.
Stomach upset,
but words are whiskey in my tea
and the warmest blanket to curl up in.
I'm going to sleep now,
and words are my dreams.
Tomorrow they will be my waking
and my learning.
Words will be my growing
and my letting go.
Right now they are my tired.

hours of this.
hours and hours and hours.
I feel light.
Got that strange smile
playing with the corners
of my mouth.
Kate says,
what?
what are you making that face for?
When I smile like this.
Hours and hours
and I've got my legs bent up
beneath me.
Hair up.
Hair down.
Tap the keyboard.
Hours left,
it's going to be over soon.
I'll tell you what this face is for.

May Day

I feel so terribly small.
Alice in what's this land
and soon I'll find the thing that makes me grow.
Shrinking, shrinking,
rabbit, help me!
Oh dear,
oh my,
he's late,
he's off.
The grass is blue and
there are marmalade daisies.
Each petal is the size of my torso.
I want my size again.
I want the grass to not be a forest;
what is that clearing ahead?
The sectioned body of a caterpillar
resting in the seat of a lily ahead.
His head is large and lazy,
wise eyes, slow mouth
smoking rings the size of hula hoops.
The smoke is sweet and doesn't
burn this time.
Mr. Caterpillar makes glass of my eyes
and clouds of my head.
But he makes my skin lucid.
I am bright and
I want my size again;
these tingles are too much for little body.
Those bottles say drink me
but I think they mean to shrink me.
I feel so terribly lonely with
wise old lazy pillar
speaking in puffs and pulls
but never in words.
Where is my mad hatter?
Where is my tea?
He's mad and I can smell his blood
with this tiny nose.
It's hot and it's fast, and
he'll fly to me when I need him.
He'll make me grow fast, like it or not.
He does it with hands and mouth
and favorite cheshire cat words.
We will climb trees til we're too big,
and I'll run fast and far with him.
In my pretty ripped blue and
we'll drink tea on our scraped knee tables.

Keep the Queen of Hearts away,
she makes me feel little.

6 days until graduation.

Janis Joplin today.
Trouble in my mind.
Sweet family ties.
Jason I miss you.
I miss your thick beard
and your always trouble
hazels.
We could float away together
again.
You are my brother and I love you.
You are my brother and I miss your
pick up truck every morning.
Bush and Nirvana
and Janis Joplin today.
Maybe I'll let my hair
hang long.
Yours did.
You've got a wife at home
with spider plants
and ours are strong hands.
We need strong mans.
Let's drive fast
far away soon
brother.
Let's build houses in the woods
and drink from mason jars.
We could go climbing at the quarries
if you came back.
I would jump if you would.
I miss you this morning brother.

Zachary just taught me how to put pictures on my blog. Oh it's on now.

Suds

I just went to the laundromat. (That's how we spell it.) I haven't had clean clothes in close to a month. Now I've got handfuls and handfuls of underwear. I washed your sweater Kate. Don't hate me. I worked on my senior thesis with reggaeton and spanish soap operas in the background; that is punishment enough. Two hours there because the dryer didn't work and it took me an entire hour to figure that out. I listened to Hot 97 on the car ride home and there was some rap song that I hadn't heard come on. I couldn't believe it was a real song. Here is one of the verses.

for free suites Id give Paris Hilton all-nighters
in about 3 years, holla at me Miley Cyrus
I dont discriminate, no not at all
kit kat a midget if that ass soft I break her off
I exchange V cards with the retards
and get behind the Christian like DR cuz he are
Mack Mizzo

I'm not kidding. It's been a long night. I'm about to go to sleep. There will be hungry mouths to feed tomorrow morning at the soup kitchen, and I'd like to look my best.

Sometimes it's the little things that count.
Didn't have to count my steps or hold my breath.
What once was red has cooled to blue.
Gentle passing.
A storm I had of it for
not too long.
And then my body healed.
Nothing burning in touching or looking,
nothing pressing in nearness.
Oh but it's nice not holding my breath.
I've forgotten the scent I suppose.
It's little things
like the merengue that make me
warm all over.
Simple things like hands on back
and sober sleep that make me smile.
It feels damn good.