Happy New Year!

all I want today is soup. and maybe some turkey and brie and maybe warm socks and if all was well in the world than he wouldn't have lost all that weight and his knees and elbows wouldn't be all sticky outy and he wouldn't have left when he was still so young. but he did and all is not well in the world, and i've been told that he's in a better place and I smile and swallow the fuck you's that climb up my throat and threaten to jump out. so what if it's true. and so what if it's been awhile. all i want today is soup and maybe his bed and the sleep that we drifted into because we weren't thinking about time then. why would we think of time? i'm sure the sky is blue today and for some reason this is the time that feels like a new year. not in january. not when everything is all soggy celebration and muddy sidewalks and hardly hope for better tomorrow. no, no. days when soup and brie and friends are remembered and longed for. days when even the air smells like change, those are the days that make me know there is something new and old and continuous and growing. it is a new year today and not all is right in the world.