Home

went home for the weekend and the leaves were on fire.

driving north on 87 with mix cd's i got for birthday presents.

and the air was crisp like a potato chip and cool like vapor rub if you inhaled deep

we talked about God a little. about men alot. about what we wanted and what we settled for.

we stopped for jamaican food on the way. curry goat and rice and beans, an extra side of sweet plantains and two beef patties. the sun was shining warm on our grease smudged red table and we laughed and spilled water and made the old jamaican man with his kangol cap snap his newspaper and shake his head. we didn't mind. picked up our crumpled napkins and folded the waxy white bag over your half a patty that you couldn't finish.

the rest of the ride was me and my cd's. you were sleeping and i was watching the forest catch fire. yellow flames and bursts of red. at four o clock the light was lazy and golden and i was glad to be home because i wanted to curl up on the corner of the black couch where i knew the sun would still be warming.

i pulled up our driveway and turned the car off and when we got out i remembered that it's always colder up here. the air is always cleaner. and i felt tired and at home and you were excited to be there. i grabbed our bags, my dirty laundry, my school books, and let the house give you its own tour. speak for itself. you oohed and ahhed over my mom's interior design and the brownies she left out for us. i walked straight to the back of the house. it used to be my room, but that was three years ago. It was very much Lyndsay's now. Her pictures of our dog and the perfumes that lined her dresser that she never used and her big sneakers on the floor. Mom had made her make the bed.

She had four comforters just like I used to. It sounds crazy but it wasn't. The old log cabin is drafty and dad is about as thrifty as they come.

Four comforters were necessary.

She would be home in a few hours. I yelled to you that you could eat some brownies and watch tv or go for a walk if you wanted. You already were. I pulled back the blankets. the light blue one with clouds was at the bottom. it was mine from highschool.

No sheet.

I never used one either.

I'm not much of a host. But you knew that when you came. I can hear muffled voices from the tv. My Cousin Vinny. Perfect. You know where to find me if you need me.

Lyndsay's pillow smells like home.